COFFEE[date] ((John))

[Victor David Birenbaum]

When they finally arrived at the Starbucks they ordered their drinks, Victor paying for both his and John’s (as promised) and found a table near the corner of the café, the light from the afternoon sun outside entering and illuminating the room through the windows. The atmosphere in the café set by the quiet murmurs and laughter from the other patrons was a friendly and warm one, which helped to sooth Victor’s nerves, even if it was by a little. Still flustered with a faint shape of pink that refused to leave his cheeks, he tried to look casual and calm as he sat in his seat across from John, though by then it was a lost effort.

He allowed for himself to sit back and cross his legs to at least get into a comfortable position he was used to, like how he’d lounge around at his desk back in his office and took cautious sips from his hot coffee. On the outside, he might’ve looked more or less normal if you didn’t count the blush, but in the inside his mind was going insane, thinking a hundred thoughts per minute and asking questions he didn’t know the answers to.

First off, did the things that happened in the car actually happen, or was all that just a figment of his imagination? Did they both literally spew out their attraction for one another and revealed all their pent up emotions for each other in a matter of seconds? Is that… is that how relationships started? And oh god why did he think of that why was he thinking about relationships.

He also wondered how long John had been feeling this same way for. Had it been as long as it had been for Victor? Why had Victor never picked up any hints before? Were there any hints before? Would have it been different if it had been more obvious? Would he have not gotten closer to John if he knew of his emotions? What did this make them now? Were they still friends? Was this an opening to be more than tha- oh god why did he think that he was not supposed to think of things like that why is he even bothering to contemplate on a subject like that. He had conditioned himself to steer clear from these types questions for so long that he didn't know how to handle them anymore; his brain about to explode from the sudden overload of complicated emotions and questions he had been hit with.

With the amount of things he was thinking about – the amount of things bouncing, running and practically screaming around in his head – he was being pretty quiet, not having said a word since he got out of the car. He didn’t what to say after a thing like that. But, in the hopes of avoiding an awkward silence between the two, he finally spoke. “So uh…” he started. “We’re here. What do you, uh, want to talk about?”

[John Smith]

“We’re here. What do you, uh, want to talk about?” Victor looked ridiculously uncomfortable. It nearly made John laugh, seeing his obvious discomfort, since it so closely mirrored his own feelings. He was still giddy, but also feeling a million times more nervous than he could ever remember feeling before. He wondered if maybe coffee wasn't such a good idea after all. No coffee would be good. If he got just enough it would actually calm him down. If he got too much, he'd probably go into cardiac arrest. But, he was aiming for the positives here.

"Anything? Everything? What do you think? Was there anything you wanted to talk about?" He was at a complete loss for anything to say. He'd never been so full of thoughts and lacking in words at once. "Coffee is great, isn't it? I love coffee. Coffee is brilliant. Coffee was first used as a stimulant in ancient Ethiopia, did you know? It came to Europe through African trade with the Middle East. It was actually nearly banned in Europe at one time... The pope at the time, I can't recall which one at the moment, that's odd... Italians were trying to get the pope at the time to ban it because it was a 'Muslim drink'. Can you imagine? So, the pope, I'll imagine he'd already discovered the stimulant properties of the drink and was probably addicted to it himself, well, he declared it a 'Christian drink' and that shut them up. Ah, coffee. Don't you love the smell of it? The taste gets some getting used to, but after you've had it for a while it's hard to go back to tea, at least as a stimulant." Then, jokingly, John added. "I still enjoy a cup of tea now and again, just so I don't lose my funny accent."

He really didn't see what the big deal was about accents. American accents were just fine! Most had been accepted into Europe thanks to television and Hollywood films, with just a few exceptions. John liked American accents. They reminded him of cowboys and old western towns. He had more fantasies about riding with cowboys now than most excitable seven year olds would care to admit. American accents were exciting to him. But, everyone here was always telling him that they loved his 'British accent'. Now that was amusing. What on earth was a British accent? Everyone seemed to think that he had an accent that, being a 'Brit' himself, he'd never actually seen the likes of. It was puzzling to him and seemed to puzzle them too, especially when he tried to explain that Britain was made up of many different regions and within those regions there were these little pockets of people and even among those pockets there were more pockets, and they all had different accents! Were they talking about the general 'London' accent? It wasn't an accent really, was it? It was more of a dialect. But, that would only confuse them further.

His mind was wandering again. He blushed, realizing that he'd just babbled on at length about absolutely nothing of any relevance to... anything. It was a bit frightening, really, his internal discourse. If half of it spilled out then Victor would never be able to get a word in edgewise ever again. He clamped his mouth tightly shut and waited for Victor to say something, to direct the conversation in some way, since obviously John's mind wasn't organized enough to choose one topic on it's own.

[Victor David Birenbaum]

“Coffee is great, isn't it? I love coffee. Coffee is brilliant. Coffee was first used as a stimulant in ancient Ethiopia, did you know?”

Victor blinked, looking up from his drink in time to listen as John spoke. His concern about not having an interesting conversation slowly started to disappear as John continued on and on about the history of coffee, and just like how his worry about having an awkward silence began to fade, so did the rest of his discomfort.

After John finished talking, Victor exhaled slowly from his nose, grinning. “You’re really something, you know that?” It wasn’t a flippant comment intentionally meant to flatter for the sake of flattery or to be kind, or to even help continue the conversation. It was an honest to god statement.

Even after their blunder and blatant confessions for one another which had now caused an undeniable shift in their friendship – whether for the better or worse, it was not yet clear – John was still John, still acting like the same interesting and joyful bloke that Victor knew.

And as much as it was Victor’s instinct to avoid any interaction with someone once a romantic or affectionate moment would pop up, he couldn’t avoid John. He just couldn’t. He didn’t want to. John might as well have been a magnet pulling Victor in with his energy and happy-go-lucky demeanor that was always present within him. He made it hard not to wanna be around or to not like him. “The only thing I know about coffee is the differences between espresso drinks and how you shouldn’t drink much of it. Also that it’s tremendously addicting.” Victor looked down at his drink, still smiling. “I always keep forgetting that you’re also a history professor, what with me only being able to catch your physics class. Frankly I think it’s a marvel how your head doesn’t implode from all the information you keep bouncing around in there.”

By the calmness and carefree nature of his tone, it was evident that Victor had returned to his pleasant and untroubled attitude again, having decided to throw whatever worries or anxiousness he had been feeling in the air so to enjoy their chat and to stop fretting over the status of their relationship for at least a moment, only focused on having a talk with John, the person he happened to like.

[John Smith]

“You’re really something, you know that?”

Oh? Well, John hoped that was a good thing. Victor's tone sounded positive, but John could never be certain. He had a habit of misreading people's emotions and the intent behind words. He tried to take in every aspect of the way Victor looked in that moment, simultaneously reading and memorizing that face, that posture, the set of his shoulders. He was in love with every bit of it, every last detail. He thought about how much fun it would be to travel the world with a person like Victor... no, he really thought about how much he'd love to travel the world with Victor. He wanted to tell Victor a lot of things that he'd never told anyone else, but there were so many things to say that they call jumbled up into an incoherent mess in his head. Maybe the coffee would help clear his mind. It seemed unlikely though.

The coffee was bitter but exactly what John needed. And, strangely enough it did calm him down. His mind still ran like a million trains on a million rail-roads all racing around at once in different directions, but now it was an almost ordered chaos. He was beginning to feel introspective, as he sometimes did when his brain mellowed out enough to create a string of coherent thought. The excited bouncing of his knees slowed and he sat back with a thoughtful little smile on his face.

"Do you ever wonder what it would be like to live one thousand years from now? Or maybe, what it was like to live a thousand years ago? The longer the live the more convinced I am that we know exactly what it would be like. Times change, yes, there are new adventures, but the essential human experience always stays the same. People fall in love, go to war, make mistakes, do brilliant things... it's all universal. Sometimes I wonder if it isn't universal to the universe. Maybe, somewhere out there there is someone sitting in a... space café, pondering the meaning of it all. On some far away planet, a little child is looking up at the stars and marvelling at the vastness of the universe. Life is too prevalent down here not to be just as wide spread out there, maybe even in the same galaxy we're in. I just know that there has to be life out there, beautiful life... and I wish I could see it all."



[OOC: Sorry, having serious writers block.]

[Victor David Birenbaum]

Victor stared back at John as he began to transform as well, his posture softening as he drank his coffee.

“Do you ever wonder what it would be like to live one thousand years from now?”

Victor didn’t know what prompted him to start thinking of that, but he didn’t question it and instead sat back to listen.

Here was a man, already having done more in his life that Victor ever had and still having bigger dreams and aspirations than Victor ever thought of. There was something truly magical about John, his sense of self and being running deeper than having a charming smile and a whimsical personality that made Victor realize how little and simple he saw the world. He would be at ease by looking at a rose while John would probably see a whole civilization living on each petal. It reminded Victor of all the wasted years of him sleeping out on the streets, festering in hatred against the world, believing he was the only one realistic enough to see the world as how it truly was when he, in reality, was denying and ignoring all the good that would exist so as to feed his animosity. Even now, after finally waking up from his self-loathing state and changing his ways, he was still the biggest underachiever he had ever known. He never did anything less than was required of him, no, but he never did anything more. Never brainstorming or trying to expand a clever idea or achieve a goal – only settling for what was easier and less stressful in his life. Always satisfied with life, always content with it, but never thrilled about it. ‘Wasted Opportunities’ should’ve been his middle name instead of David. At least David took chances in life, having slain Goliath with a sling and stone. Victor would have played the instrumental equivalent of the guitar in the background somewhere, so as to avoid the conflict.

Maybe that’s why he spent so much time with John and found such an attraction for him. He had what Victor lacked: motivation, excitement. The need to seek something more in life than what’s considered average or ordinary, dissecting said things and looking at each piece in different points of view to search for a new meaning. The surge of uttermost joy when he would find something new and interesting and share it with others drew Victor in, for it was foreign to him but equally as fascinating to see unfold in front if his eyes.

Why had Victor been so afraid, he wondered, to admit his feelings about John before. It wasn’t like he was ashamed of liking John – far from it – but why was it so hard to admit it, even to himself. Then suddenly, quietly, Victor suffered an epiphany. He knew why. It was there, lodged right into his brain; small but painful like a splinter. He just didn’t want to think about it and hadn’t thought about it in so long but everything suddenly made sense.

It was due to the loss of his first love that made him fear relationships. He was afraid, plain and simple. He was literally petrified about going through the same road he had had walked down for so many years that it caused him to fear love in general. Victor took another sip of his coffee, his newfound knowledge making him shift uncomfortably in his seat again.

“I just know that there has to be life out there, beautiful life... and I wish I could see it all.”

Victor hadn’t realized that he had tuned out sometime during John’s stream of consciousness, having been too caught up in his own thoughts and worries. He let John’s words sit with him for a minute, rubbing the side of his chin in thought. His thumb wandered up and down his chin softly before unconsciously grazing over the outline of his jawbone where John had given him an accidental kiss. He paused, remembering the sensation before exhaling slowly, the memory making him smile.

“Do you mind if I asked you something personal, John?” He said, his smile a strange mix of sheepishness and determination as he continued to lightly graze his thumb over his jaw. John probably had no idea what had happened in Victor’s mind, the silent revelations that he had caused Victor to have or of the rapid changes of wonderment, puzzlement, fear, comprehension and resolution that Victor went through. But he was grateful that it had happened to him. For now he was mentally picking up a stone and sling for himself for the first time in a long time, fully aware of what he was throwing himself into with his next words. “How long have you fancied me for?”

~

OOC: It’s okay! Whenever you feel like you’re struggling you can take as much time as you want. I don’t mind the wait and’ll most likely never bug anyone about a post anyways. *super patient dork like that* c:

[John Smith]

“Do you mind if I asked you something personal, John?”

"No, not at all." It struck John as a little bit funny that Victor should ask at all, after they'd already spilled some very personal feelings, but the courtesy did not go unappreciated. It gave John a little bit more time to prepare himself for whatever questions might come. All he could hope now was that he'd have a good answer.

“How long have you fancied me for?”

John smiled. It was a good question, a sweet question. "Oh, well..." John added up the days in his head. "How long have I known you now? I've been here full time for... going on seven years now? There about, I'd say. And, you've been here since before then. And, before then I volunteered here fairly regularly. So... I'd say at least eight years, four months... or there about." He realized how creepily precise that sounded. "Well, that's my rough estimation, anyway." He sipped his coffee and avoided eye contact for a moment. Then he looked up as he was drinking, saw Victor, and nearly forgot how to swallow and some of the bitter liquid went down the wrong pipe, but he managed to keep the choking to a minimum volume, which was nice. Victor was so... he didn't even have the words to describe it. It was like he was enchanted or something, because there were so many things that he loved about the man, but he could hardly articulate any of them when put to the task. There were just too many things to love about Victor, too many things that he wanted to say. He couldn't begin to say them in a lifetime.

You are a perfect example of the homo sapiens sapiens, in all it's glory. You are the reason that they are special, though science tells us that they are not superior in any sense of the word, you remind me why it is so easy to believe that the are different from all of the other beasts on the tree of life. The very fact of your existence excites me--- knowing that it took so many millennia for evolution to construct the incredible bundle of cells and atoms from the DNA of your ancestors, knowing that every one of your ancestors was fortunate enough to survive to mating age, and that their descendants, seemingly against all odds, managed to reproduce for all of those hundreds of generations until chance lead to two healthy reproducing organisms meeting and mating and producing the wonder of nature to produce you, a living organism in all of your beautiful complexity. I feel fortunate to be descended from creatures with the curiosity that gave us science and this incredible understanding of the great lengths your genes had to go to to ensure that they would be spread after so many generations. Every cell in your body is a miracle. The fact that we are both alive, that life exists, and that we are both intelligent enough to appreciate this fact, to share a cup of coffee, to have a conversation... that is truly remarkable. I look at you, and I see billions of years of atoms shifting through the cosmos, all of the aeons before life and then the mere blink of an eye that encompasses all of life, the mere instant that is all of human history, all of the circumstances that were just so, things that had to be just so, leading up to this moment so that we could both be here, today. I see, in you, all of space and time, and it feels like I am staring into the face of divinity.

"And, you? If you don't mind?" John felt like an idiot asking, because Victor couldn't have possibly taken notice of John. John was the one who, when he first began working full time at St. Helena's, would watch people from outside his window, observing. He wanted to know them all, they all seemed so interesting, but a window seemed at the time to be as close as he could ever get. It was a bit creepy, he had to admit. But, it could be educational. He hadn't intended to start watching Victor more than anyone else. He hadn't even realized he was doing it, until he'd been teaching at St. Helena's for about two years. By that time he'd memorized the way Victor walked, and found himself hiding behind books when Victor worked too close to the classroom. He didn't want to look like he was spying. He couldn't help it really--- everyone else seemed very much up-front with their personalities. They'd even sometimes attempt to make conversation with John over work. In those days, John had done his best to avoid conversation, in fear of boring people to death with one of his over-enthusiastic lectures. They'd pretty much learnt to leave him alone. As odd as it might have seemed to anyone who knew John as a teacher, this energetic, extroverted, and talkative person who was John in the classroom, or John on field trips, seemed to disappear whenever John was tasked with social interaction with his own peers.

Adults didn't want to hear about science. The didn't want to be lectured to. It was difficult for some people to share their passions with other people, but for John it was difficult to rein them in. It was not acceptable to just go on and on about something that interested you when you were speaking to adults. They might pretend to listen out of politeness, but then they would avoid you after that. Adults weren't as curious as young people, and maybe that was why John couldn't connect with them. He could only share his excitement about learning so much with an unwilling recipient of knowledge. In all, he was socially inept, and painfully awkward around other adults. He always felt like a child at the grown-up table when he went out to faculty lunch and other such engagements.

And then there was Victor who, like John, didn't seem to fit in completely with the rest of the staff, as smooth and charming as he appeared. He was just different, and that was what drew John to him.


[OOC: Sorry if this post is a bunch of incoherent nonsense. My brain hasn't been functioning properly.]

[Victor David Birenbaum]

“Well, that's my rough estimation, anyway.” John said before taking a sip of his coffee.

Victor gave a warm smile. ‘So all this time…’ he thought to himself, while every encounter they had shared in the past flashed before his eyes. So all those times when they had spoken to each other, they had secretly liked the other person. So all those times when one of them would stutter in their speech, it really was because of the other person and not for some other reason. All those times when they had smiled at each other, it had made the other’s day. All those times they had ever did anything together, their hidden feelings had been mutual, and they’ve been mutual all along. Had they really known each other for that long? Victor was never very good with the concept of time. If John had said that they had known each other for four years, Victor would’ve easily believed him. Maybe he didn’t enjoy keeping track of time because it would remind him of how much time had really passed and it slightly frightened him. That, and also because it reminded him of how much older he was personally. 47 was not generally considered an attractive age, as it was more associated to the age of when people would suffer through their mid-life crises, and though Victor had no compulsion to do something “crazy” since he had vowed to never touch a cigarette or alcohol again and because tattoos were more of a normal thing rather than a crazy one, he still had the depression and denial stage of a mid-life crises down. Vic was also much older than John, at least by ten years or so. That was another reason why he had found John’s confession so surprising. Now, they were both adults so the issue of there being an age gap wasn’t as serious as an age gap between two teens that were three or four years apart, but the age gap was still there and Victor wasn’t able to understand why a young and energetic man like John would have any mutual interest with a burnt out geezer like Victor. Seriously, what had he done? Mopped the floors exceptionally well one day that it won John over? Was it because of his love for music? Sure, Victor took pride in being able to read sheet music and create some songs, but it wasn’t as impressive as understanding quantum physics.

“And, you? If you don't mind?”

Victor chuckled bashfully. Vic had so many questions he wanted to ask John, but the last thing he wanted to do was bombard him with them all, and he understood that John must’ve had some questions of his own. So, he accepted that it was his turn to be put on the spot. “I’m terrible with time, but I know it was more of a gradual thing, starting from the day I met you.” He remembered the day he first saw John. Victor had privately dubbed him ‘Mr. Tall, Meek and Handsome,’ until he saw his name written on a whiteboard one day. For a while, they didn’t speak to each other and Victor only knew of him as the new physics professor, and the first time they ever spoke to each other was when John went and asked Victor to help move some supplies. Slowly but surely, they started talking and hanging out more and more until it became a regular thing. “When I’m attracted to someone I usually don’t move on passed the superficial stage. I…” He chuckled again, trying not to show his discomfort, “Well, I… I never let it get passed that stage… and whatever feelings I did have would eventually simmer down… but you,” He said, addressing John by pointing his index finger at him and sticking his thumb up, “… are an exception to that little formula.” Victor let his hand fall and grabbed his drink, his lips holding faint traces of a playful smile while he stared into his cup with an earnest look slipping into his gaze. “You’ve turned into such a good and, what I would consider a close friend, despite the fact that I still find you to be incredibly appealing.” He turned his gaze towards John. “And during our friendship, what I’ve found is that it’s not only good looks that you have going for you, but it’s also your brains. They say you learn something new everyday, and everyday I’ve spent time with you I can wholeheartedly believe that. But not only are you are incredibly smart, but you’re equally as humble and modest.” Then, in a mischievous and sly manner, Victor leaned in forward. “I don’t think you fully realize how remarkable you are, Doctor John Smith,” he almost cooed in a low, teasing tone.

Though it was hard for Victor himself to believe what he was doing since, as it was already explained, he had never been very confident when it came to romantic interactions. Yes, he had been looking for an excuse to say John’s full name and title out loud for the longest as to fulfill a somewhat childish desire to sound like an intellectual and to see how well it would roll off the tongue (“Hello, Doctor John Smith.” “Good Afternoon Doctor Smith.” “Doctor John Smith, may I have a word?”), but he knew he couldn’t simply hide behind that reason. No, it was irrefutable. Even though Victor wasn’t sure if he was doing a good job at it, there was no denying that Victor was, in fact, flirting with John.

~

Notes: Guh, sorry this took a really long time. I can only really work on posts on the weekend now because of school. Hope it’s okay uwu <3 And regarding your last note, I just wanna say NO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT POST IS AMAZING OH MY GOD LDSHJDALKJKDHDSA (brb, rolling around on the floor because I’m unable to deal with my Victor and John feelings in any other way)