trying to relapse - Ciel

[Jacob Mitchell Harris]

[style=font-family: times; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: 1px; text-transform: lowercase; color: #989898; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;]356 WORDS FOR CIEL This is a ncie start I guess? Feel free to play with it a little. November 5th; 1PM DREAM [/style]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,450,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #6d6d6d;] [style=padding: 10px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; height: 475px; overflow: auto; color: #1e1e1e;]Jake took a deep breath and looked around. He didn’t want anyone to try to stop him, nor did he want to get better. He wasn’t here because he wanted to be, he was only here because his parents were worried and the doctors advised it. They knew he couldn’t get over his anorexia and bulimia without some form of help. Without a specialized institution to battle his disease and to stop tearing apart his throat, Jake would probably end up dying by the end of the year. He was too skinny and his bulimia was tearing apart his stomach and throat, along with his mouth leading to a few complications. His teeth were beginning to thin out from the acid, and his throat was getting small little ulcers in it from the acid tearing away at it as well. His desire to stay skinny, and beat what his ex said, he was willing to kill himself in the process. Everything he did was thought out. Whether or not he’d gain weight from that small amount of food that he ate, or if he did binge on eating, he could always purge it back later and keep his calorie count low. Unlike other people, he didn’t need to actually, physically count calories, he just kept a rough estimate in his head and when he hit a certain number he purged. Jake sat down in front of the toilet before sticking two fingers down his throat trying to get the food that he had eaten a while earlier out of his system. He gagged slightly before he heard a door open. He gagged again and tried to keep himself from throwing up with the other person in the bathroom, but it didn’t really work. He knew that once he started purging he couldn’t stop himself. He knew that it was horrible for him to do, and he shouldn’t try, but he wanted to stay skinny and be as skinny as he could. [/style]

TABLE BY CALIFORNIA DREAMING @ CAUTION 2.0

[Ciel Richard Thompson]

you left me here like a chalk outline

-------------------- On the sidewalk waiting for the rain To wash away

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 580011; border: #86001a solid 4px; width: 490px; padding: 0px;] [style=width: 400px; height:100px; background: transparent; float: right; letter-spacing: 2px; font-size:10px; font-family: times; text-shadow: 2px 2px 2px #333333; line-height: 25%;] YOU KEEP COMING BACK TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME, BUT THE DEAD CAN'T SPEAK AND THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO SAY ANYWAY [style=width: 200px; float: right; background: transparent; text-align; justify; letter-spacing: 2px; font-size:8px; font-family: times; text-shadow: 0px 0px 0px #111111; line-height: 80%; text-transform: lowercase;]I've been cold In the crypt But not as the cold as the words across your lips You'll be sorry baby Some day When you reach across the bed where my body used to lay all you left behind is a chalk outline

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"Bye," Ciel replied with a vague wave toward the friend he had been walking through the halls with. He was tired and just wanted to go back to his dorm, but he still had things to do. He crossed his arms over his chest and kept walking, flicking the fringe of his hair out of his eyes as he spotted one of his other friends, Jasper. He waved at the teen, who smiled brightly before continuing on his way. A slight worry caused Ciel to decide to follow when he realized that his friend had started to head toward the bathrooms. Hadn't Jasper just eaten? Ci frowned a little and followed that way, his worry only growing when he saw the bathroom door shut, but Jazz was nowhere in sight. Now, he knew there was a chance that the person that had gone into the bathroom was not Jasper and that Milo had dragged the thin teen off somewhere to do something else; but, that did not stop Ciel from wanting to check. He made his way into the bathroom, not being subtle about it so that whoever was in there would know they were not alone. "Jasper?" he asked, though Ci immediately knew that the other person in the room could not be Jasper, just from the sight of his shoes under the stall. Jazz did not have shoes like that. "Sorry, I thought... Uhm, dude, are you okay?" Honestly, Ciel was not sure if he really cared or not about whoever the person was. He did not think he should just... not try to help, though. Just because he, himself, was miserable and everything did not mean he wanted those around him to be miserable as well. Ciel did not know what to do really, though, besides to talk to the person who was in the stall, maybe distract them a bit. What could a stranger do to help with serious problems, anyway? It was a silly thought; kind of like therapy, in Ciel's opinion. It was just not helpful, even if the one trying to help had the best intentions. "Should I go grab a nurse?" Maybe the guy was just sick. Just because some people had the habit of purging did not mean that every person that ever got sick dealt with things like that, and jumping to conclusions was wrong.

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tagged: Jacob words: 0395 outfit: link notes: ucky word count.

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[Jacob Mitchell Harris]

[style=font-family: times; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: 1px; text-transform: lowercase; color: #989898; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;]332 WORDS FOR CIEL I feel like I'm just rambling on...... November 5th; 1PM DREAM [/style]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,450,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #6d6d6d;] [style=padding: 10px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; height: 475px; overflow: auto; color: #1e1e1e;]Jake heard someone call out a name and he leaned his head against the cold porcelain of the toilet. When he began apologizing for interrupting, he quickly asked if he was fine. Jake wanted to tell him that he was fine and that nothing was wrong, but this probably didn’t look fine to this boy that just walked in. Jake wasn’t sure how people here would react to this, he wasn’t sure if kids here still did this kind of thing or if they just stopped upon coming here. Jake felt the rest of the food in his stomach coming up and he clenched his eyes shut before letting it spew into the toilet after moving so that he was over it again. When he heard the boy ask if he should go get a nurse he wanted to say no, and wanted to shake his head, but more food came up before he could. He put his head against the cold toilet seat and it made him feel better. The cold on his skin made him feel better because it was what he did after every time of purging, and if he purged the food that the people made him eat it meant that he was getting skinnier. It was a step away from fat and ugly. Jake shook his head. “No. I’m fine. No need” he said shortly before closing his eyes lightly. He hated the burning after purging though. That was the only drawback to it, so he always tried staying away from eating because then purging had to happen. If he didn’t eat, then he wouldn’t feel the burning. He had heard the doctor at the hospital tell his parents that his stomach acid was creating little ulcers in his throat from the purging and that’s why it usually burned more. He was sure that it would heal soon if he stopped eating, and his body would repair it so that he could return to purging like normal. [/style]

TABLE BY CALIFORNIA DREAMING @ CAUTION 2.0