HOLES (MASON)

[Rory Andrew Cook]

october 13 @ 2.30 AM

when all that you've tried - - - - - - -
leaves n o t h i n g but holes inside
- - - - - - - - - - - I can see it in your face, the hope has gone away

The only thing that Rory wanted to do was crawl back into bed. He was feeling extra worthless today. He finished Mason's homework, but he hadn't gotten around to finishing his own homework. That wasn't why he felt worthless though, that was why he couldn't crawl back into bed. He just felt like curling into a ball and crying and feeling sorry for himself. In turn, however, he got angry with himself for feeling sorry for himself. It was a vicious cycle that never seemed to end until he was asleep or bleeding. Those only delayed the cycle though. It always came back and continued, but that's why it was called a cycle. When he was sad he got so angry at himself. He didn't deserve to feel sorry for himself.

Rory wiped the tears off his cheeks before they landed on his homework. If his pen bled it would really give him something to cry about. He didn't have time to redo this assignment. It was due tomorrow. Why was he such an idiot? God, he was so fucking stupid. He always waited until the last second to do projects and homework. It didn't even occur to him that he spent a majority of the time working on Mason's assignments. Why though? It wasn't as if Mason did anything for Rory. He only sexually assaulted him. He bit his lip, was it really assault though? He sort of liked it. He was such a slut. He was disgusting really. Hooking up with his roommate, so slutty. No, no he couldn't be a slut. Rory said no. He said no a lot. Mason got mad though, it was scary. Why was he so weak?

His eyes shut, fighting off more tears. If only he'd succeeded then he wouldn't have to bother anyone. Rory took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before returning back to his homework. He dropped his pen violently on the table and pulled his knees up to his chest. He couldn't finish. There was no motivation to finish. Rory pressed his face into the fabric of his Batman jammie pants and started to cry. He was so fucking worthless. Why? Why couldn't his parents be graced with someone as beautiful and outgoing as his younger brother? Body shaking sobs escaped his body as he prayed that his roommate wouldn't come in and start making fun of him. He was so lame and stupid. He couldn't even finish a stupid chapter summary for English. Rory hated himself so fucking much. He was almost tempted to run to the bathroom and find something to open up the old scars on his thighs. It'd make him number so he didn't feel anything. Maybe he'd be able to concentrate. But he'd promised he wouldn't do that anymore. He sobbed harder. He couldn't even keep that promise could he?

[Mason James Monroe]

PICTURE COMING WHEN I'M NOT IN THE LIVING ROOM

mason had spent a majority of his time terrified of sleeping. he hated falling asleep, mostly because of the extremely cautious and his unconscious mind was plagued by nightmares and terrifying versions of all of his bad memories. this was part of the reason mason was rarely ever in a good mood. he was never nice or happy or even tolerable when it came to other people because he never got enough sleep. to mason, a lot of sleep was three hours, which was half of what he normally got. his body was slightly used to it, he could function on only a few hours of sleep, but that didn't make for an extremely cheerful guy. that was part of the reason he was constantly so irritable and just couldn't get along with other people. he didn't play well with anyone but himself and other people that could handle him.

today, he found himself laying awake in bed. usually rory was asleep by now, but he hadn't paid attention to it. he rolled his eyes, staring up at the ceiling as he let his mind wander to the younger boy he shared a room with. he couldn't help but be extremely attracted to him, not only to the way he looked, but he was just an adorable person. he hated that the boy was playing hard to get, because if he could just wrap him up and keep him in his pocket forever, he would. maybe then the boy would understand how important he was; maybe then his self-worth would improve. he wasn't sure why the kid hated himself so much, he had an adoring brother and his family seemed to care from what he'd heard. apparently, it just didn't happen like that sometimes.

it was then that mason became aware of the fact that he was a dumbass for thinking that rory might be asleep. the light was on and he was trying to do homework. it was then that he also realized that the kid was frustrated and stressed out beyond belief. the kid was actually crying and for once, mason actually felt bad that he just allowed rory to do his homework. two people's homework was a lot to do for one person. hell, one person's homework was a lot to do for one person. he debated for a few moments as to whether he should get up and get rory in bed or if he should pretend like he was sleeping. neither seemed like that great of an idea. he was already comfortable, but he wanted rory to be comfortable. the kid was always on edge.

after a moment, he got up, wearing nothing, though that's how he normally slept. he didn't think rory minded anymore. he picked rory up out of the chair, holding him in his arms tightly for a moment before moving him to rory's bed, laying down with him for a moment. "stop crying. i'll do the rest of whatever homework is left." he said quietly. "not until you fall asleep, though, okay? we can cuddle and i'll stay up and work on your homework, especially since you do mine like.. every single day." mason wasn't in the mood to be a dick to anyone right now. rory didn't deserve it, though he still found himself hurting the younger male quite often. "i wasn't gonna sleep anyway. and don't try to tell me no or i'll lock you in the bathroom until i finish it, okay?"

his voice slowly quieted, pulling the blankets over rory and not over himself. "or we can even talk awhile and i'll get to the homework a little later. you need sleep. you shouldn't be crying about your homework."

[Rory Andrew Cook]

october 13 @ 2.30 AM

when all that you've tried - - - - - - -
leaves n o t h i n g but holes inside
- - - - - - - - - - - I can see it in your face, the hope has gone away

Rory turned a deep crimson through his tears. His roommate’s naked body was touching him, his roommate was touching him. He was embarrassed to have been caught crying like he had been. Had Mason been there the entire time? He chewed on his bottom lip forcing himself to stop crying. Maybe he’d been too busy concentrating on their homework to notice him coming in. ”What are you doing?” he asked, attempting to struggle out of the hold the other boy had on him. He frowned and shook his head. ”Just let me go. I’ll finish it. I don’t have a lot left.” Rory rubbed his eyes with his fist.

”I wasn’t even crying. My eyes just hurt.”

[/b] It was a lame excuse; he doubted Mason would buy it. His roommate didn’t do his homework, but he wasn’t an idiot. The other boy was smart in a lot of ways, including in the books. He didn’t apply himself and he still managed to pass, unless he had some other secret to doing well in school. It wouldn’t have surprised him if the other boy had found a way to get points without working. After all he did seem to like sex a whole lot. It was a characteristic that reminded him of his little brother.

He looked over at Mason after the boy had set him down and blushed harder. His roommate was really attractive; then again he had to have something going for him. He wasn’t the nicest person in the world after all. Rory chewed his lip and shut his swollen bloodshot eyes. They stung now. Crying sucked in more ways than just feeling shitty. His eyes usually burned if he wasn’t crying himself to sleep. ”I can finish. I don’t need you to lock me in the bathroom.” He knew sometimes what the price of going against what Mason ordered was painful, but sometimes he wanted it to be that way. ”I only have my homework left and I’m in harder classes than you.” he said, attempting to sit up. It was a lie. He’d finished his own homework a while ago and there was only a small amount of Mason’s to go.

After a moment he gave up and lay back down. ”Don’t.” he said softly. He didn’t want to lay there alone. He wanted Mason to stay there with him. Sometimes when Mason was around he didn’t feel as along. It was a nice feeling. Lying next to a warm body made him feel almost normal, almost happy. ”Don’t move.”[/b] he repeated again softly. ]”Just stay here for a while.” Rory looked up at Mason’s face, mostly so he could focus on something other than the other boy’s body pressed against him. He was really nice to look at, especially when he didn’t think anyone was looking. ”Why can’t you wear pants ever?” he asked more to himself than to Mason. He halfheartedly threw the blanket over Mason as well.

”I wasn’t crying because of my homework.” Rory added softly. He knew his Roommate knew about his problems, he was a walking train wreck. Realistically he didn’t want Mason to feel guilty about the extra workload, not that he really thought Mason ever felt guilty. Rory chewed on his lip again as another wave of utter self-loathing passed over him. ”Does it matter if I’m crying alone at my desk?” he asked softly. He doubted the other boy actually cared about him. Realistically Rory was just a cum dumpster for him. ”It’s not like you actually give a shit about me.” he said under his breath.


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