lunch time - open

[kaia]

Kaia walked into the cafeteria slowly, taking a moment to glance around. Her anxiety always spiked in circumstances like this, when she was surrounded by people and noise and movement. Too much of it made her head hurt, but today wasn't too bad. Most of the students were already seated at tables throughout the room, since she had gotten to lunch a little bit late. The sounds of chatter was quiet, subdued, and she preferred it that way. With a deep breath, she headed to grab her food.


Since Kaia was late there was only a small line, and she waited silently until she could take her vegetarian food and a glass of juice. People (usually her parents) used to lecture her on how she was way too skinny because she didn't eat meat, but Kaia was stubborn on that issue. She liked being small, and she didn't like eating animals, simple as that. Plus, when she was skinny, she could pull off cute outfits like she was wearing today. Tight, dark blue skinny jeans and a slouchy, purple t-shirt. Her thick, auburn hair was big and wavy, and she left it unattended and hanging down her back.


Kaia turned to face the room full of tables. Although she liked being near people, she didn't see anyone she knew sitting down and didn't feel like introducing herself. With a small sigh, she spotted an empty table and headed over to it. Of course, thoughts were already jarring her mind. She hated sitting alone, because it made her look like a loser. She needed someone there to talk to. She wished she at least had her iPod to listen to, but had left it in her room. Maybe tomorrow she would skip lunch, and go practice music, or go walk outside. Anything but this. She watched others eating, hoping that no one was staring at her or noticing that she was alone. Kaia picked at her food, continually glancing at the clock, waiting for it to signal her escape.

[Simon Patrick Gallagher]

Simon was all over the place. It was lunchtime, right? He had no concept of time right then. Food sounded good right then. Years of deprivation made even the crummiest of cafeteria foods look appealing. The smell was not terrible, not spoiled or burnt, and that was always a good sign.

Oh, god, everything hurt. He was starting to crash. That's why he let that kid with the piercings talk him into buying some of his 'medical' marijuana. God, it hurt. Wasn't that stuff supposed to make you happy? The happiness was fading fast, and the half-joint he'd smoked alone wasn't making any difference. He probably smelled like it. He probably stank of it. They probably knew. Right now, the staff was probably just waiting for a moment to converge on him and... and then what? Kill him? Electroshock him? That was scary, but not the end of the world. He'd take anything really. Anything to keep the mania from fading away.

He was fading fast and everything was beginning to look like crap again. People were looking unfriendly again. He wanted out of his skin. He was cracking like an egg and the snake eyes of the depression were peaking over the edges of the chicken-egg shell. Don't count your chickens before they've hatched. What a terrible phrase. Terribly close to the truth, really.

Don't count on anything being as good as it seems until you've hit baseline again. You'll invariably see things in a more jaundiced light once reality sets in.

He felt sick. Like he could vomit. He was hungry, but the thought of eating repulsed him slightly. Everything in the world was beginning to turn back--- a carriage into a rotten old pumpkin, horses into mice, or whatever.

He crash landed where there was an empty seat and didn't look up for a long time. When he did the world wasn't as bright as it had been, but the contrast had been turned up so he could see all of the grit where things used to be clean. There was a girl with dyed red hair sitting in front of him. He still had enough life to look at her.

"Hi." He said, when he could think of nothing else. "You're Kayla... or Katya, or something, right?" He knew he'd seen the girl somewhere. In Choir? Was she that soprano? He couldn't tell. He didn't look at faces any more. They told secrets that he didn't want to know.

[Aureolin Sky Meadows]

Aureolin was definitely not feeling well. Anyone who even looked at the boy on a daily basis could tell that he was Ill by the fact that the smile had been wiped from his face. He looked paler than usual- a few locks of his platinum blonde hair sticking to his forehead with sweat. His hands felt clammy- his whole body was just boiling. He was miserable. The strep that left the Alto of Chamber Choir voiceless for a week was fading, but it wasn't giving up without a fight. He had called his first block teacher to ask if he could sleep in, and make up the work. Unfortunately, it had been a no.

Standing in the short line to get his lunch, the blonde-haired boy looked clueless as one of the ladies asked him if he would like a roll. A...what? His brain just completely blanked. The kid behind him shoved him forward, however, causing a bit of rice to land on his shirt. He quickly moved up, without his roll. Every noise was killing him... He knew he didn't want to eat, but it would help him get stronger. Hopefully. He definitely didn't want to miss another day of Choir, though he knew Mr. Jester would understand if he had to. Strep was a singer's worst nightmare. 

As he walked through the noisy lunchroom, Aureolin stopped at a nearby pillar. He felt dizzy. Sliding down to sit against the cold brick, he set his lunch tray beside him, placing his head between his knees and hands. He did not feel well. A few deep breaths later, he could raise his head, and forced himself up, taking a seat at the nearest table. He noticed two other students already sitting there, but he hoped they wouldn't mind. He didn't think he wold make it to another table. 

Looking down at his plate, the pretty boy was surprised when he saw not the soup he had intended to get, but a crispy chicken sandwich. Oh, no... Closing his eyes with a distressed sigh, the boy slumped down at the table, covering his face with his hands. He couldn't eat anything crispy, due to his sensitive teeth, and definitely couldn't eat anything greasy, or it would upset his stomach. He managed to take small sips of his sweet tea, however, flinching as the iced liquid went down his raw throat. He slowly took a few bites of the mashed potatoes he had gotten- placing his lips next to the fork to cool them off with a blow. He hoped that ibuprofen would kick in soon...  

[kaia]

Kaia looked up suddenly as a boy landed in the seat across from her. She hadn't even been aware of him coming over, being lost in her thoughts and anxiety. Immediately, her mental walls began to go up. Usually she was pretty friendly, but today wasn't a good day so far. She was wary of new people right now, and always aware of betrayal. He could just want a place to sit. Or he could be here to find out how messed up she was and tell everyone else about her. Wait, deep breath. Take it one step at a time.

She waited a moment and observed him; he didn't seem very well. He was tall and was decent looking. Her honey-colored eyes stared at his lips when he spoke. He didn't even know her name! Well, at least he had tried. She decided she liked the vibe she got from him so far, even though he seemed a little out of it. Then again, who isn't around here?

"Hello. Nope, it's Kaia, but it's a pretty weird name." She smiled, "And you are?"

Just then, another boy approached the table and sat down to eat. Kaia was amused; now everyone seemed to want to sit with her. Again, she watched him silently before speaking. He was very pretty for a boy, with blonde hair. Strangely enough, he didn't seem to be well either. Kaia naturally loved to help people, and found herself wanting to comfort the two boys already. She liked to fix things, despite the fact that she couldn't fix herself.

Playing with her red hair, she smiled at the new boy, "Hi there, I was just introducing myself. I'm Kaia, how about you?" She glanced at her barely-eaten food and started to eat while waiting for a reply. People were so complex, it always amazed her. Trying to figure them out, find out what makes them tick, who they would fall in love with. It's like an endless game to her. Her thoughts often drifted this way, confusing to others but making perfect sense in her mind.

[Simon Patrick Gallagher]

Simon peeled his face off of the table to give Kaia the simple courtesy of looking like he cared while she spoke. He did care. Some part of him must have cared, or he wouldn't have asked. He would have just sat there and pretended he was alone.

"Hello. Nope, it's Kaia, but it's a pretty weird name." She smiled, "And you are?"

He felt bad. They'd just barely met and he'd already stepped in it. You never were supposed to forget a girl's name. It made them feel unimportant or something. And, at this school who knew what kind of deep damage a little slight like that could do to a person. She didn't look like the type who would go apeshit over something like that, but he really didn't want to be the one to ruin her day.

"Kaia's a pretty name..." He said, and then he sat up with a groan. "When I'm not a zombie, I'm Simon. Nice to meet you." He glanced up at the newcomer, a pretty little asian boy who looked like he was having trouble keeping his food down. He forced an almost smile to welcome him to their table. He hoped that if the boy vomited he would do it in the other direction. He wasn't in the mood for being puked on.

[Aureolin Sky Meadows]

"Ooh..." 

Aureolin placed a dainty hand to his lips, forcing himself to swallow the mouthful of potatoes. A stray piece of celery had somehow gotten into the glob of delicious yellow, and crunching down on it sent a jolt of pain from his teeth to his head. He took a moment to Regain himself, when he noticed that he had been spoken to. 

Someone... Spoke to him? And nicely too. He looked up to see the girl and boy- both smiling at him kindly. Not mocking him for his looks, or making fun of him, but really, genuinely smiling at him. It made him smile back- truly a cute thing for the boy. He so rarely smiled at a specific person, it felt odd. It felt silly, even. He put a thumb on his bottom lip and looked back to his plate, a soft blush coming to his face. He was flattered by the gesture. 

But he was reminded of the pain in his throat, and found himself a bit lost. He didn't want to speak- he sounded like a dying kitty! Rummaging through his satchel(Or "purse", as so many deemed it), he pulled out his notebook and a pencil, tearing out a sheet. He printed clearly on the surface, Hello! I'm Aureolin, you can call me Aureo(Like "Oreo") if you want. Sorry I can't talk- I'm getting over a bad case of strep. If you know me from Mr. Jester's class, I'm the Alto in Chamber Choir.

He offered a smile as he handed them the paper, but had it accidentally flipped on the opposite side, which had a rather nice sketch of a calico cat. Flushing with embarrassment, he reached over and quickly flipped the page over, covering the artwork on the other side. He swore it had been blank... He hoped they didn't make fun of him For it. He just... Liked drawing his kitty-cat, Cleo.

-_-_-_-

OOC: Aureolin's Sketch

[kaia]

"Simon," Kaia repeated, "Well thank you, Simon's a decent name too I guess." She had a teasing smile on her face, but hoped he wouldn't take it the wrong way. As with everyone she met here, she wondered why he was here in the first place. He could be a schizo, and this might not even be his real personality. Or maybe suicidal. He didn't look like he had an eating disorder. You could never tell for sure though. She wondered if they knew what was wrong with her, and tried not to glance at the scars, clearly visible along her wrist.

Kaia turned her attention to the second boy, watching him struggle with his meal. She wanted to ask if he was okay, but didn't want to offend him. You never knew how people would react in this place. He was blushing, so she thought he must be a little shy. She decided to just stay friendly, and was surprised when he started writing on a piece of paper. Was he deaf? She saw he had strep and nodded understandingly. It was a huge pain in the butt to get sick like that, especially as a vocalist.

"Hi Aureo. Oh, I guess we're all in Chamber Choir!" She just realized that she did recognize Simon from somewhere. More music kids. It made her feel a small amount of comfort, knowing they had at least one small thing in common. "I'm a soprano," she added, a little last-minute.

As Aureo passed her the page she saw a glimpse of his artwork. Kaia couldn't help it; she turned the page back over and let out a small noise of surprise. It was a very well drawn picture of a cat. Being an animal lover, she couldn't resist examining the cat. It made her miss her German Shepherd at home, Kodi.

"This is so nice! So are you an artist in addition to being a singer?"

[Simon Patrick Gallagher]

"Simon," Kaia repeated, "Well thank you, Simon's a decent name too I guess." Said Kaia. Was that a flirtatious grin? Simon couldn't tell, and he was too drained mentally to think about it.

Simon looked at the other boy's drawing. It was pretty good. If he'd been in a better mood he might have even admired it for a moment. But, as it was he just wanted to curl up and die, so he plunked his head back down on the table.


"Hi Aureo. Oh, I guess we're all in Chamber Choir!"

That made sense. Simon knew he recognized the other boy from somewhere. Had he changed his hair or something? He was pretty cute even now with his dyed hair looking like he'd been through hell. The girl was pretty cute too. But, Simon wasn't thrilled by the fact. Right then, he was more concerned with surviving the rest of the mood drop. It was going down like a nuke, and he hadn't quite hit the bottom yet. But, it was coming soon. Too soon, as always.

The higher the mania, the lower the depression. That was how it always worked. His entire existence was one big sine wave. He just wanted it to stop. Why am I even alive? He wondered for the thousandth time. Why wont they just let me end this? I'm not helping anyone by sticking around. My suffering has no purpose.

"I'm a baritone." Simon added, so they wouldn't think he was ignoring them. He wished he was a bass. He always admired bass voices.

[Aureolin Sky Meadows]

Aureolin found himself looking at the boy beside him, rather than the girl. He just couldn't help it- he hadn't really... Satisfied his needs in over a month. He had been so discreet about his little episodes in the dorm bathroom, but as his, ah, pleasure toy had been confiscated, he found it less and less pleasurable. Aureolin Meadows wasn't as innocent as he looked.

Immediately turning his gaze to the ground, he shifted his position in the now very taut pants he was wearing- thank god they were jeans. Though, he had a counseling session with Mr. Jester after lunch. Aureolin's cheeks were definitely red. He didn't want to discuss his cravings again. It was too embarrassing. He glanced at the two and occupied himself by shoving a forkful of potatoes in his mouth, only giving a nod in their directon in acknowledgement. Holding the fork in his mouth without his hands, the boy took the paper from Kaia and wrote rather hastily Thank you, really. You're the first people to be so nice... It's my Kitty, Cleo.

He couldn't bring himself to look up as he handed it back, trying to concentrate on the food before him. Potatoes, Chicken, carrots, broccoli. Oh, god. That wasn't helping. It wasn't helping...

Going into a bit of a panic mode, Aureolin's heart raced. If he stood up, it would be obvious. If he didn't stand up, he would only be more and more out of it, and would have to go through another long discussion with his counselor. No matter how much he liked Mr. Jester, Aureolin was in no way going to enjoy talking about how off-the-charts aroused he was. He gripped his fork tighter. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.... He vaguely wondered if he could try asking Mr. Jester for his toy back- it would certainly help himself keep his feelings satisfied, but did he really want to go through that awkwardness? Oh, yes, He concluded, blush searing his face. It would be worth it. He needed it.

[kaia]

Kaia always noticed little details that others didn't. She was very perceptive with people, and her ability to guess emotions and problems was usually pretty good. She watched Simon and could almost sense the energy draining away from him. She was concerned, but should she be? His head was back on the table, and although he did add that he was a baritone, he wasn't very enthusiastic about conversation.

Despite her fear of rejection, she reached her hand across the table. Kaia always felt the need to help bring people back up. She hesitantly put her hand on top of Simon's, and spoke softly.

"Is everything okay?" As soon as she spoke, she instantly regretted it. Who was she to think she had to solve everyone's issues? They had counsellors, and they probably didn't want her being nosy and getting into their business. She withdrew her arm and picked at her nailpolish, not looking to see his reaction.

She noticed Aureo, whose face was turning bright red and who seemed very uncomfortable. Kaia watched his gaze lingering on Simon, and was a little confused. Fortunately, he handed back a new note that she could read and keep busy. The first people that were nice? Not surprising. Not everyone was williing to be friendly in this place, she had learned first-hand. She let out a small sigh.

"Do you ever draw people?" she asked, trying to make conversation and hopefully make Aureo feel more comfortable. She hoped it wasn't anything she did that was making him this way. She was reminded of the movie Titanic, and smirked a little thinking of the scene between Jack and Rose. That would certainly be thrilling, to be drawn nude, she thought.

So far in St Helena's Kaia had pretty much behaved herself. Although her reckless tendencies were always whispering in the back of her mind, she managed to fight them off. She wanted to get out of here, not get stuck back in for drinking or doing drugs. But there were other things she could do... Her mind wandered dangerously. She tried to push the impulsive thoughts away so she could focus on her present situation.

[Simon Patrick Gallagher]

It was useless really. Why did he even try to be normal? Everything was conspiring to make him slam his head into a wall until his skull just cracked open and spilled out his brains on the floor. Now, that was a pretty image. Oh, the guilt he'd feel doing it though. Guilt for leaving behind such a ghastly mess for whoever would have to clean it up after he'd done the deed. There was his room mate too. No, he'd be too distracted by his own problems to care, wouldn't he? Then, it would be all right, because really who would care if he was gone? He'd met a beautiful girl in the library and fallen in love with her scars, and now here he was unable to find pleasure in the beauty that surrounded him.

The boy beside him was cute as a button, obviously feeling shy or something. His face was going all red. Oh, wait, that subtle shift in weight, the way he chewed on his lower lip. It was obvious what his problem now. Simon could relate to that too. No wonder, the kid looked pretty young, younger than Simon at least, but you could never tell with some of these Asian kids sometimes. They always stayed young and pretty long after people of European stock, like Simon, were old and craggy.

He could see why the kid was 'excited' too. Kaia was a pretty girl. Simon might have even found himself in a similar position to Aureo's if he wasn't so depressed. An hour ago, maybe. Right now the thought of sex repulsed him a little, and at the same time the idea of never getting a chance to have it with any of these pretty people depressed him. Maybe he'd find a quick hookup before he ended it.

That's what he was going to do, wasn't it? It was so simple. He'd seemed all right for most of the day. He'd even skipped out on therapy because he was so manic. No one would be checking on him. He'd make it simple. There were no pills to be had, but there was always a belt and his bed frame. He still had a belt somewhere, right? Maybe it would look like he'd died of autoerotic asphyxiation. That would be a laugh. That'd give them something to talk about. His death wouldn't make them sad if they were laughing.

Not that anyone would miss him. Why would anyone miss him? He hardly knew these people. They didn't know him. Too bad about these two though, they seemed nice. But, maybe there would be nice people in hell who couldn't go on living the same way he couldn't.

I'm actually going to do it.

The idea filled him with excitement. Excitement he didn't know he could feel when he was in this state. He'd stop breathing and it would be over. Simple, quick, effective. No second thoughts. He'd leave a note, though it seemed pointless since no one would read it. He'd apologize to the school for causing them any trouble. He'd apologize to the therapist for wasting his time. He'd apologize to his room mate for doing it in their room. That would be it. Nothing for dad. Nothing for Carolyn, except maybe "see you in hell".

He was ready.

"Is everything okay?" Kaia said, and then she touched his arm, comfortingly.

Fuck. He didn't want this. He didn't want someone to care. It made it so much more complicated if someone cared. Then, there was guilt. Crushing guilt. Fuck.

"Tired. Didn't get much sleep." His voice was a monotone. His eyes burned, but he controlled it. He kept it back. He kept his face impassive. "I think I'll go to bed early tonight." And, never wake up. She'll get over it. She has no reason to care. None of them do. They don't owe you anything. Get out of here now, before they can ask any more questions. Questions will make you think. If you think you'll have second thoughts. No second thoughts. "Actually, I think I'll go get some rest now, before class. Nice meeting you." False smile. Tight on his face. He staggered to his feet, and left the building.

EXIT: SIMON

[Aureolin Sky Meadows]

Did he ever draw people? 

People.

Yes. He did draw people. One person in particular. 

Mr. Jester had always told him to try and make friends. To break through his shy barriers to someone who was kind, but this had, so far, been his only chance. He wished he had his kitty-cat. His heart was racing. Cleo always helped him calm down.

But did he really want to show her his sketches? Those had been private so long... He didn't know what to do. Larkin was a private matter- only Alaric Jester knew of the kind man head fallen in love with. Only Alaric Jester knew of the words they would share, the bittersweet caresses, the nights they would lay together, tangled up in sheets. Larkin Zaranchii was a private matter.

The blonde boy tightened his grip on the fork, his knuckles turning white. He was beginning to loose control. Tears rolled down his cheeks, his hands beginning to tremble. No, no, no, he wouldn't share Larkin. He wouldn't share him. He couldn't share him.

Aureolin's fork went flying from his hand, hitting a girl a few tables away in the back of his head. He was already running out the door when she turned around to yell at him. 

The blonde Asian had left his notebook and backpack behind. In his haste, the rush of air had blown a few pages over revealing another sketch of a man. A young man, with longer hair and light features. Aureolin had signed his name near the edge of the paper, but the words he had written were plain to see.

Larkin, my love, I wish you'd come back to me. I can't see without you- I can hardly breathe. Why did that car have to take you away? Sometimes I wish I wouldn't wake up for the next...

The rest of the short poem was blurred by watermarks, clearly from tears. 

A school security guard walked in and gathered up Aureolin's belongings with a glance towards the notebook. Assuming it was Kaia's, he only nodded, and walked back out to the crumpled boy in the hall, who was breaking into hysterics. 

(Exit Aureolin)

[kaia]

Kaia wasn't completely surprised when Simon left. She had blown it, again. She felt her face grow hot and she knew she must be bright red. Why did she always screw everything up? Clearly he was dealing with something and she had pushed his limits. She could already feel her eyes filling up with tears; she had always cried easily. Fuck, not right now. She dug her nails into her arm, embracing the pain like an old friend. She held her arms under the table so that no one would see what she was doing. She watched Simon exit the room and turned back to Aureo.

Clearly she had messed up in more ways than one. Aureolin began crying and fled from the room, leaving his notebook behind. Security took the rest of his stuff, and she grabbed the notebook carefully to look. Kaia closed her yes for a moment and took a breath. She needed to calm down. The first thing on her mind right now was cutting, but of course she couldn't do that. She had nothing to use, and would probably get caught anyways. Back to the notebook.

There was a drawing of a man. I guess he does draw people. Kaia held the notebook carefully, knowing it had to be important to the boy. She read the poem, and finally clued in. He was gay. She looked at the tear-stained page and knew something horrible must have happened. Her heart felt heavy and she wished she could do something for him... But look where that got her last time. No, she was done trying to help other people. Maybe she should focus on herself for once.

Kaia closed the notebook and put it in her bag - she would return it to Aureo later, since she assumed he was not in the mood to see her again. She glanced at the clock, and then back down at her plate. She had barely eaten, but didn't feel hungry at all. She felt rather nauseous. She left her plate on the table and walked out of the room, fighting back tears and wishing she had a blade to cheer her up.